END OF AN ERA


When this post goes live it will be a day before my graduation. I still kinda can't believe that I made it through university or that my three years of studying are over. It's gone so unbelievably fast and for me finishing university marks the end of an era, I guess. In a good way! I changed so much during my time at university, it changed me as a person and allowed me to become the person I have always wanted to be.

The time before I went to uni was hell for me, it was the worst time in my life. My anxiety was at its worst, I felt scared of everyone and everything. I was pretty much a recluse who didn't want to leave the house or spend time with anyone. I felt so isolated from the world and I really didn't think I'd be able to cope at university. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in the little bubble I had built for myself, where I felt safe. It took me a long time to come out of my shell when I was at uni and I pretty much stayed in halls or went to lectures during the first year but during second year, I started to go out more and talk to more people and each time it became less scary, I felt less nervous and I didn't feel as nauseous talking to people. I'm now a teacher, so I have to talk to people every day and I'm completely fine! I can actually talk to people on the phone and hold a conversation with eye contact! This all may seem really normal stuff, but they were all things I couldn't do before, things I have cried over. I am in a much better place mentally and I kinda owe it to uni forcing me to come out of my little world and be a part of something.
Haha who is that lil baby on the left- so much innocence, so little eyebrows >.< 
Going to uni was also the first time I really discovered a sense of self. I began to learn about who I was, what I liked and how I wanted to dress. My personal style changed a lot during uni. I had always secretly been a goth but it wasn't until the middle of second year that I really embraced this. I was always worried (damn you anxiety) about what people would think or that they would laugh. I've always been pretty self-conscious and it took me a while to embrace my own style. When I went to uni I thought because of the course I was on, I had to dress a certain way and I am definitely the only goth on my course. It's difficult being the only one in a group of over 100 that dresses in a certain way, but I feel like this only helped me in the long run. I really don't care anymore what people think about the way I dress because they aren't the ones dressed this way. I am an individual and my style represents who I am! I like being different! I like embracing the strange and unusual (so much so, I got it inked on me!). Without going to university, I may not be the lil strange goth I am today haha!

Before I went to uni, I had never really made any friends. I think I have one friend back here in Nottingham! Going to uni allowed me the chance to make friends and I don't think I could imagine life without one of my closest friends Charlotte. I didn't meet Charlotte until second year and honestly, she has brought out the best in me! Charlotte has the best heart and is the kind of person that would do anything for you. She is also slightly insane and a bit of a nightmare on a night out! She makes me want to go out and my best nights out are always with Charlotte (until she runs off and I can't find her haha). I had never really gone out or drank before I met Charlotte and I just always have a ton of fun with her! We go out A LOT but we can also just chill at each others houses and I've lost count of the times I've gone to her house and ended up just falling asleep! Charlotte is one of the things I'll miss the most about uni. I hate not living so close to her! She is the best bad influence and I love her to death!

University has allowed me to grow in so many ways and it was also the first time I had to stand on my own two feet. I have learnt so much about myself, the career I'm going into and about how to live! It's funny how much a person can change in the space of three years and I am a completely different person to the scared timid girl that started uni three years ago. That's why I truly see this as an end of an era. It's time to close this chapter in my life and start the next- who knows what's going to happen!

Till next time,
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