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9 August 2017


"You've changed" is a phrase I've never known how to take. Do they mean change as in a good change? Or a bad change? And what do they even mean by change? The thing about change is that most of the time we don't recognise it's even happened because for us it might be something that happens gradually. Change can mean an instant change like a haircut or it could be a change that occurs gradually like weight loss or building confidence. I've been thinking about personal change recently and how I have undergone quite a big change over the years.

I recently got in contact with an old school friend, after they messaged me to congratulate me for being shortlisted for the Blogging Awards and telling me that they always read my blog (Hey Chelsea!). We got to talking and she mentioned how I seemed to have changed so much since we were at secondary school. I know she meant it in the best way but it definitely got me thinking about the kind of person I was at school and the person I've changed into. For me I don't always recognise that I have changed because I'm still the same person I've always been. I just. I never knew how to express it before.

haha I have limited pictures bc I used to hate my picture being taken >.<
During my teen years I suffered a lot with my mental health, particularly how I saw myself. I had no confidence in how I looked, who I was and I felt pretty worthless a lot of the time. I felt like I didn't have anything to offer- in short I hated myself. My confidence issues led to a lot of anxiety particularly around people and I felt nervous all the time. It was like I had this incessant fear that people would laugh at what I had to say, that they would think I was stupid. By the end of secondary school I started to isolate myself from others. I let my brain and how I perceived myself stop me from doing things. I didn't go to my prom because I thought I was too fat, ugly, unpopular and that everyone else would have a better time if I wasn't there. Things didn't get better at sixth form- they got worse. I was so socially isolated that I didn't have the courage to speak to anyone. I sat in silence a lot of the time. I did manage to make a small group of friends- one who I'm still really close with, but it just wasn't a good time in my life. I spent a lot of it worried and upset. I hated myself more. For me I've always known I was different and liked things others didn't. In my mind I knew I was quite gothic and alternative but I just didn't have the confidence to show this in how I looked. I feel like this led to me almost having a bit of an identity crisis- I wasn't the person I knew I was. The two years I spent at sixth form were the worst two years of my life and I felt like I was spiralling out of control.

The whole point of this post isn't a Robyn pity party. If anything this is more of a celebration because I couldn't be more different to that girl. I've been thinking about all the things I've done recently- I graduated from uni with a first class degree, I had a job interview and got it, I'm off to my first blogging event this evening, I've been shortlisted for a fucking blogging award?! and I can't help but feel really emotional (I'm crying typing this) and grateful because I feel like I'm living some weird dream- this shouldn't be happening! This wasn't how I pictured my life going. This wasn't who I thought I could ever be. I never thought I would have the confidence to be the person I knew I was inside. I didn't think I could be completely happy and confident with myself. I never thought I would look in the mirror and be happy with the person I saw. My mum said to me the other day that over the past few months she's never seen me so happy and she's right- I've never been happier!

I've changed. But I've changed in the best way. I've become the person I've always wanted the confidence to be. It's been one hell of a bumpy ride but... I feel like I've finally made it out the other side!

Sometimes change is good. We should be embracing change because it means we're learning, progressing. If you are unhappy then you have the power to change that! You never know what might happen- trust me on this one.

Till next time,

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So something slightly insane has happened... Midnight and Lace has been shortlisted for Best New Blogger on the Block in this years Bloggers Blog Awards?! If you love my content, it would mean the absolute world if you would vote for me (and your other fave blogging babes!). You can vote here! 

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  1. Love this post Robyn! I think it's incredibly brave to write your life down on your blog and open up to your readers I am so glad you're so happy and feel like you've changed in a good way! I can relate in some ways to how you felt at school and sixform. I always like to think those times felt like the end of the world and such a big chapter in your life which they were but in comparison to the things that happen in later life and now it's something so tiny. It matters only that you're happy now.
    Congrats again on being shortlisted I've got all my fingers crossed for you xxx


  2. People are so scared of change, but in my opinion it's part of being human. We do not 'grow up' we are not finished when we become 'adults' we are consistently changing and learning. We are never the same versions of ourselves twice.

    I believe that some of what causes us so much unhappiness (Obvs can't talk for everyone aha) is the fear of changing or the fear of becoming something we once weren't.

    Once we learn to accept these changes and even embrace them, we'll all be a little bit happier and comfortable in ourselves.

    I'm glad you're feeling happier, viva la change!!!

    Em xx

    1. Yes! I love how you describe change! This is exactly the mindset I've adopted and I'm in such a better place because I've let go of my fear of change!

  3. great post, very happy to hear how well you've been doing! had a very similar past, not liking myself inside and out, it's true, it was like an identity-crisis! I regret hiding myself away for so long, but if somebody tells me "you've changed" I just think "hell yes!" :)
    have a great day

  4. Great post babe and i can totally relate, i have come so far and changed so much, got through menta health struggles and i am finally comfortable with who i am and embrace what i like :) im happy you are happy with who you are! Keep doing you 😁😘🖤 xx

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  6. When people tell me I've changed I always think "I'd be worried if I hadn't". It's normally people I haven't seen years and to me it just seems like it'd be weird if people didn't change in that time because change is all part of growing... I mean, if I was still the same person at 28 that I was at 18 I'd be concerned!

  7. Oh Robyn, so incredibly brace of you to write this post. I happy to hear you're doing better.
    As for change well, as long as you're happy with the changes you're making it have made that's the most important thing x

    Iamfoxxtailz | alternative style diary


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