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24 May 2019

IS BLOGGING MAKING ME A BAD PERSON?



When I started blogging, I never realised how much of my life would revolve around the internet. For the past 3 years, I’ve essentially lived my life online. Recently, I’ve been thinking about my time online and how whilst I do love my blog and everything it has given me… I can’t help but acknowledge that it has been bad for me in some ways and at times has probably made me a worse person. 


It would be easy for me to sit and talk about how amazing blogging is and say it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me (like I have in the past!) but that’s just not the truth. In fact, at times I’ve felt like blogging is the worse thing that has happened to me! The longer I’ve been blogging, the more people that discover my blog has led to an increase in the amount of pressure I have put on myself to create more, shoot better content, get bigger campaigns, get more likes or views. The issue that comes with this is then that it has become incredibly easy for me to feel like a failure or worry that it’s I’m not good enough. I feel deflated about my content, pick faults at images of myself and get dragged into the dreaded game of comparison - comparing myself to bloggers and images that are so unattainable I’m essentially setting myself up to fail from the start. I have struggled with my mental health pretty badly in more recent years and I can’t help but see the connection between my declining metal health and my journey with blogging and posting on social media. Social media has been proven to have a negative impact on mental health and I’ve had to experience this first hand. The thing about content and social media is that it’s all a beautifully created lie. It doesn’t represent real life and that can lead to all kinds of issues with self esteem and confidence - two things that have been my weakness for as long as I can remember. Having such a battle with my own self esteem and confidence and having a life that is so involved online can be pretty destructive. I’ve had to ask myself whether my own mental health and wellbeing would be better if I took a step back from the social media light. 

Something I’m becoming very aware of is how much concerned (obsessed) I am with how I look. Honestly, I’m borderline narcissistic now! I’ve spent the past few years slowly changing how I look in order to construct this “perfect” image I have in my head. Everything I’ve done to myself has been with this image in mind. Everything from getting my nails done (even though they are the most impractical thing imaginable) and getting extensions to buying clothes I don’t even need because of the “need” to always have something new to share. I have been basing my purchases based on whether it would look “good on the blog” and only now am I realising how insanely ridiculous this is. I feel like such a poser and I’ve definitely experienced imposter syndrome because I feel like this person is so far away from who I used to be. I never cared about how round my face was or thought about how I would look so much better with lip fillers. I’ve always struggled with feeling good enough but this is on a whole new level. I shouldn’t be so concerned with changing the way I look to create an image online. An image that’s only a snapshot of the life I lead anyways! 









So, where do I go from here? I could quit, turn my back on Midnight and Lace and go back to living my life as I did before I had this life online. But that wouldn’t be solving the problem. The problem is what we are presented with everyday - unattainable and unreal content that we can’t relate to, leaving us feeling empty and unworthy. Or, I could do something about it. I could use my platform online to raise awareness to the problem and create content that is real. Content that people can look at and relate to. Content that shows parts of real life and how to deal with the complexities that is the world we live in. And that’s an option I prefer more. I’m done putting on a show, it’s time to put the real life back into blogging. 

Till next time,
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Add your comment

  1. The short answer to the question you posed in the title of this post is a resounding NO! You seem like a wonderful person! I'm sorry you feel pressure to create more. It's much better for you to follow your own heart and do whatever brings you enjoyment. I for one LOVE reading and looking at your blog posts, seeing your outfit photos, watching your YouTube videos, and seeing your Tweets on Twitter, but I don't think you should feel any obligations.
    As far as your concerns or obsessions with how you look, please allow me to assure you that you look absolutely stunningly gorgeous! I LOVE the dress you were wearing in the outfit photos above, and your hair, eye-makeup, lipstick and fingernails all look extremely pretty.
    I am sure that any posts you choose to do will enrich the internet. Whether you do fashion, beauty and lifestyle posts or whether you do philosophy or motivational or issue awareness posts or take breaks to deal with real life issues, I am sure you will continue to be fabulous.
    Best wishes going forward xx :)

    my blog
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  2. Absolutely love this post because I often feel the exact same! Blogging has made me so much more obsessed with likes and followers than ever before and it is exhausting feeling like you constantly have to be creating content or sharing something new.

    www.theemeralddove.co.uk

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  3. I understand and completely connect with what you're saying. I've tried to start sharing more 'real' content on Instagram lately and I've actually noticed some of those pictures are getting more engagement than my carefully staged shoots. It was a bit of an eye opener for me.

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