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31 December 2019

2019 : THE YEAR I FOUND HAPPINESS


It’s the last day of 2019 and my last post of the year. For the past two years I have done an end of year reflection post, so why break a habit now?! Before sitting down to write this post, I took a look at my end of year post from last year and I know it’s a very cliche thing to say but - what a difference a year makes! 

This time last year I was heading into 2018 feeling the worst I had in a long while, with really poor mental health and a really bleak outlook on life. This year has not been easy, far from it! However, I am so proud of myself for getting back to not only a better place in terms of my mental health but for getting to a place where I haven’t felt this happy and content with my life and who I am in what seems like forever. 

I have had some particular difficult obstacles thrown my way this year, with changes at work and having to deal with some pretty unkind people this year. It was incredibly tough but I feel like I handled it in a way I wouldn’t have been able to do last year. What it showed me is that there will always be unkind people in the world, there will always be someone who will throw you aside to make themselves feel better but that being kind and staying true to your own morals and beliefs will always come through and show them in a negative light, not you. I’m leaving 2019 in a really strong position at work. I finally feel confident in my own ability as an educator and a leader. I have definitely become more vocal about voicing my own opinions and what I feel needs to be heard. I’ve also developed some really good connections with colleagues at work and feel like I have a group of people that support me and have my back and I cannot express how that feels after years of struggling to feel like I have no friends or no one that cares about me. I no longer feel like a fraud trying to fool everyone around her into believing she knows what she’s doing. Because not only do I know what I’m doing, I’m actually bloody good at my job! 

Blogging has definitely been something that I’ve definitely had a love / hate relationship this year. I started the year absolutely loving blogging and having so much fun creating and publishing content I was so proud of! I’ve pushed myself creatively this year and really feel like I’ve created some of my best content this year. Fashion has been and continues to be a part of my life that is really important to me and how I choose to express myself. However, I feel like I lost that part of myself slightly when blogging this year. I got myself so wrapped up in the “industry” and competitive bullshit that can come with blogging and it made me doubt myself massively as a blogger and it made me start to resent what I had created here. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, I was putting so much pressure on myself to constantly try to be better than other bloggers and be different and it was exhausting! So, towards the end of the year I had to take a step back for myself and think about my blog in a way I never have before. I came so close to giving it all up because of how I perceived I had to be as a blogger. But what stopped me is you guys. Your continuous and never ending love and support for everything I do. I want to blog and I want to continue to use this platform but I want to do it my way and I hope you’ll allow me the chance to be a better blogger in 2020. 

On a personal level, I feel like 2018 was the year I struggled to find balance and 2019 has been the year I finally understand what that feels like. Despite the setbacks that I’ve had, I have had such a great year! I’ve put my own wellbeing first and learnt to live offline. For the past few years social media and blogging have very much been my entire life. I’ve lived through a screen because in all honesty, I didn’t have much of a life outside of the world I have here. However, this year has been the year I’ve shut off and feel like I’ve truly lived and experienced life for what it is and not always felt the need to share it all online. Instead I have chosen to spend my time with people that mean the world to me, exploring places I’ve never been to before and trying things I wouldn’t have done before. 2019 has been the year I met someone who has become a very important person in my life and has impacted on how happy I have been this year and how much more confident and self-assured I am as a person. I just have had the best time with him this year and am very happy to be ending 2019 and starting 2020 with him *sick noise*. And that’s about as mushy as I’ll ever get!! 







Greed Checkered Suit - The Ragged Priest // Black Tee - H&M // Dagger Necklace - CaterGore // Bones Necklace - Bloody Mary Metal 


 It’s crazy how different my life is to a year ago and how different I am as a person in comparison to last year. When I think of 2019 I think of how my confidence has grown, how much happier and more content I am and how much I’ve done. This year I have dealt with every obstacle that has come my way and have done so much that I am actually really proud of! 2019 has been the year I understood my own value and became happy in more ways than I could ever imagine! Looking forward to 2020, all I want is to continue the journey I started this year. To re-establish myself in the blogging world with how I want to blog and the content I want to create and to continue to live a balance between my online and my real world. To make time for the people that matter most, to have some more incredible experiences and hopefully get a new tattoo (or 4) and just continue to feel the way I do now. Happy with the person I’ve become. 

Till Next Time, 
Keep up to date: Twitter // Youtube //  Instagram // Bloglovin

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